It all started with a weird feeling… did I eat too much for dinner? Did I eat something bad? Oh… this doesn’t feel good, I need to lie down, never mind I need to get up! Porcelain GOD here I come, and here comes the stomach flu! One by one my family members are dropping like flies; everyone is being hit, but wait--two days later they are coming back from the dead yet here I lie on my deathbed and it’s been almost a week! When will the torture end? When will I have the strength to move again? And when will my caffeine withdrawal headache cease?
Finally after a week has passed there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am weary to consume any food again, and feel there is great potential that I will turn into the first human that can survive without food. Who doesn’t want to be a medical miracle right? Unfortunately or fortunately my body decides it doesn’t want to perform a miracle and the fact that my stomach has stopped its violent outbursts is a miracle enough. I find myself slowly eating food and I am now completely detoxed off of my Mt. Dew addiction; no more blinding headaches YAY, but now what? I am incredibly paranoid of getting sick again, someone sneezes and I run away in fear.
(No this is not me, this lovely person was spotted at the airport like this. Do you think she shops at JCPenney like this too?)
There has to be a bright side to the misery I just went through right? Was it a cautionary tale to walk around in hazmat suits and avoid all human contact? I think my children might resent their crazy mother and want to flee from me if I looked like the woman above. I could get a yellow hazmat suit and freak out my neighbors that are Breaking Bad fans! lol
There must be something good I can take from this, I know people get sick every day and you just move on and go back to your everyday routine once you are well, but was that what I was meant to do?
Let’s think about what my normal day to day routine consisted of… I take care of two children, blog, spend at least half my day being a maid, chauffeur, nurse, psychologist and more for my family and then the rest of the time I am consuming at least and I swear to you this is no exaggeration AT LEAST 8 cans of Mt. Dew a day, 4 different unhealthy snacks, and 3000 plus unhealthy calories. It’s not pretty, and this has led me to be obviously overweight, has led to many health issues including plantar fasciitis, psoriasis, back pain and more.
I try to run around with my kids and I feel like I am stuck in the mud. My favorite game is red light green light because I can just stand there… still… I can do that. My husband and kids are very active and like to bike ride. Do you know what it’s like having your 6 year old yell back to you “mama why are you going so slow?” While she does circles around me I turn the shade of a tomato and feel as if I am losing every bit of fluid I have out every pour.
How long do I want this to go on like this? Can I accept that this is who I am? I see plenty of happily overweight people, but am I in that category, or am I miserable like this? I keep waiting for the next health issue to appear and I know it’s lurking just around the next corner. Should I just tell my kids “kids this is just how mama is” “mama is slow, sick and in pain a lot” “just leave me here, to lay down maybe I will get up after a little nap”
The fact that I am even thinking about this all makes me realize I am not happy. I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize myself, my kids have no photos with their mom because I hate to have my picture taken. Seriously, if you looked through our family photos you would think my husband is this great single dad of two kids! You would say “Ohhh that’s so amazing” like all women do when they see a single dad raising kids alone. I don’t want that, and I know they don’t want that. Every time we are out I wonder if people are thinking what is that hot guy doing with that overweight chick? Let’s pretend they are somewhat nice people and they aren’t going to call me fat or other words. I don’t want that either, so was this my chance to change it all? I was off my favorite drug now, my stomach felt like it had shrunk two sizes and I didn’t feel like eating lumberjack portions anymore. Was this stomach flu a blessing in disguise? I horrible gut wrenching blessing? Well, I am going to take it as that; I didn’t lose a week of my life for nothing, even stomach flu can have a bright side.
This is it! Right now! It’s time for me to change, its way overdue!! I have tried before, but never succeeded, but I know this time is it! If it isn’t now than it’s never. I will be thin again, I will be healthy again I will run around with my kids and be faster than them like a grown adult should be. I am going to treat this like a horrible detox of everything bad in my system, and I will change now. I will be posting those horribly embarrassing weight loss photos on this blog, I will be bombarding you with my progress and like any other weight loss story hopefully somewhere someone can get something out of it, hopefully you will get off your lazy ass like I have now, and commit, detox, and change with me.
Because life is too short to be miserable.